Seeing Things Another Way
by muldy
Summary: "'God, I miss sex' she commented out of nowhere. It surprised him enough that he laughed, although he wasn't entirely sure that was the appropriate reaction. He wasn't used to Beckett talking like that to him." Beckett/Espo, Castle/Beckett & Lanie/Espo


He was drunk. Not throwing-up-in-a-gutter-telling-the-bartender-his-life-story drunk, but definitely not sober.

It wasn't that anything particular had happened that day to make him go out and drink that much bourbon, but it was like something had finally clicked inside of him, telling him that Lanie wasn't interested in getting back together. He'd left work with the intention of going home, waved bye to Ryan and headed for his apartment.

He liked walking home, considered it part of his daily exercise routine, but for some reason halfway there he'd lost the urge to keep going.

Stepping into the nearest bar he'd found himself sitting down and watching the game.

Just one drink, that's all he was going to have.

One drink had turned into many and now the game was over and he'd completely lost track of time.

He didn't want to admit it to anyone, but he missed her. He wanted to be with her, it was just that every time he tried to express that to her it came out wrong and they ended up fighting.

'Esposito?'

He swung his head around to see Beckett standing next to him, what looked like a scotch on the rocks in her hand.

'Beckett!'

She was the last person he'd expected to find in a sports bar he'd never set foot in before, three miles from the precinct.

'Mind if I join you?' she asked.

He slid over, making room for her next to him in the booth. He wasn't really in the mood for company, but he knew she wouldn't invade his emotional space unless he invited her in.

Plus, they'd both seen each other at their worst.

'So what brings you to this fine establishment at this hour on a Wednesday night?' he asked.

'Are you drunk?'

He smiled. Apparently he was more drunk than he thought he was, if she could tell that quickly.

'Yeah,' he replied.

'Want to talk about it?' she asked.

He turned to look at her. She was concerned, he could tell by the way she narrowed her eyes at him, but he chose to ignore that fact. Javier Esposito didn't need anyone looking out for him, he could look after himself, but he knew Kate Beckett felt exactly the same.

'Nope,' he replied.

He watched her as she turned to look back at her scotch. She didn't seem all that interested in drinking it and he wondered what on earth had brought her into that particular bar that night.

Usually both of them would have gone to the Old Haunt with the rest of the gang, the fact that they had both chosen a bar as far removed from their usual joints as possible told him that she was in the same kind of mood he was.

'How about I make you a deal,' he said, placing his arm around her to get her attention.

She looked up at him and for the first time he noticed how particularly feminine she was. He'd never taken much notice; of course he knew she was a good looking woman, that he had never denied, but her attitude was always so strong that he respected her in such a way that he had never thought of her as someone who needed protection.

To him she had always been perfectly capable of looking after herself. Even when he had been standing in front of her, holding the sniper rifle and telling her everything was okay, he hadn't seen her as anything more than a colleague, a friend, who needed help.

But at that moment, looking at her, he suddenly realised she was in fact a woman, and a very gorgeous looking one at that.

'That depends on your offer,' she replied, smiling.

He felt his heart skip a beat as she did so.

Pushing all thoughts of her looks aside, he smiled in return.

Clearly he was drunk.

'I'll tell you why I'm here, if you tell me why you are,' he continued. 'No secrets.'

She snorted a laugh and turned her attention to her scotch glass again.

'Secrets are the problem,' she whispered.

He waited for a moment, curious to see if she would continue her sentence. She didn't, but after a few moments of silence she leaned back into his arm.

'It's Lanie,' he said, grabbing his glass and taking a long swig as he did so.

'I thought as much,' she replied. 'What's going on with you two?'

'Nothing,' he responded. 'That's the problem. Every time I try to make a move we just end up fighting. I don't know if it's worth it.'

'Love sucks,' it was her turn to take a giant swig from her glass.

He clicked. She wasn't there because of a tough day at work or a case gone wrong.

'I'm going to assume you're not here drinking because of me and Lanie,' he commented.

'It's Castle.'

He was surprised to hear her say it. Of course he knew, they all knew, but no one had ever heard either of them admit that there was something going on. He'd pressed Lanie for that information a thousand times, and even she didn't know.

'What's he done now? If you need me to kick ass, you know you just have to ask,' Esposito offered.

He expected her to laugh. She didn't, her gaze focused very closely on her glass.

'He told me he loves me,' she whispered.

It was very quiet and for a moment he wasn't sure he'd heard her correctly. Surely that was something that would make her happy, not have her alone in a bar drinking on a weeknight?

'Why is that a problem?' he asked.

'He told me when I got shot,' she turned to look at him now and he could see tears in her eyes. 'And I pretended I didn't remember, I pushed him away.'

Suddenly everything made sense. The three months, Castle's silence, the lack of flirting that had been happening all year.

'Why?'

'I'm scared,' her voice cracked as she spoke and she leaned into him.

He put his other arm around her as well and hugged her.

They stayed in that position for what felt like forever, but he knew was only a minute or so. The smell of her hair filled the air and for a moment he let himself imagine what it would be like to wake up with her next to him the next day.

If he was honest, he didn't mind that idea at all, but he knew it was a bad idea.

'You guys seriously haven't slept together?'

He meant the question half as a joke and half out of his own curiosity. Everyone speculated about Castle and Beckett's relationship all the time, but no one had ever actually asked either of them.

She pulled away from their hug and looked at him, half smiling as she wiped tears from her eyes.

'Is that so hard to believe?' she narrowed her eyes at him.

'If I say yes are you going to shoot me?' he asked.

This time she actually laughed.

'We haven't,' she replied. 'I think we could have, in the past, but we're beyond that now. There's too much between us to just sleep together and see what happens.'

'I get that.'

They both fell silent for a moment, then Beckett turned back and shot the rest of her drink.

'God, I miss sex!' she commented out of nowhere.

It surprised him enough that he laughed, although he wasn't entirely sure that was the appropriate reaction. He wasn't used to Beckett talking like that to him. To Castle yes, to Lanie sure, but to him? That wasn't really something they talked about.

'I get that too,' he replied, waving over the waitress.

She wandered to them slowly, half watching the TV as she did so.

'Can I grab another bourbon and Coke and…' he looked at Beckett.

'Scotch on the rocks, thanks,' she finished.

The waitress nodded and wandered away to grab them more drinks.

'When's the last time you, you know?' he asked.

If she was going to start this conversation, he was going to continue it. They were friends. Friends talked about sex right?

She was silent for a few moments and he wondered if maybe he'd gone too far, maybe they weren't that kind of friends. Then she turned to look at him and he noticed the depressed look was back in her eyes.

'Before the shooting,' she replied. 'I haven't…I don't want…'

She took a deep breath, fiddling with her hands for a moment. He reached forward with his free hand and lifted her chin up so she was forced to meet his eyes.

'I'm scarred,' she said quietly.

He looked into her eyes. 'What did I tell you about it being a strength, not a weakness?'

They both fell silent as the waitress brought over their drinks. He watched until she was out of earshot and then turned back to Beckett.

'Plus,' he leaned in so his lips were almost against her ear. 'Scars are hot.'

He didn't miss the way she shivered as he spoke, and when he pulled back and she turned to look at him, there was something else in her eyes, a spark that hadn't been there a few moments earlier.

'How about you? Has there been anyone since Lanie?'

He shook his head. 'Major dry spell.'

'That's the problem when you have feelings for someone,' she replied. 'You don't really feel like going out and meeting someone new.'

She grabbed her drink and held it up to him.

'To lack of sex,' she said.

He laughed and clinked his glass against hers, keeping his eyes on her as he took a sip from his glass. She really was beautiful, and in another life where she wasn't his superior and he wasn't in love with her best friend, he would have totally gone for her.

Although neither of those things really meant they couldn't sleep together.

Right?

Yeah, he was a little drunk, but suddenly the idea seemed like the right one. He needed sex, she needed sex, they could both definitely do with some cheering up.

As long as no one found out it wouldn't hurt anyone.

'What if you didn't have to go out and meet someone new?' he said.

The moment he said the words he regretted it. She was going to reject him and things were going to incredibly awkward.

'What?'

He couldn't read her reaction.

'Well we both need sex, right?'

'I never said I needed sex,' she replied.

She was smiling, that was a good sign. He shrugged and smiled in return.

'You insinuated it,' he said. 'Am I so bad?'

'It's just…there's Lanie and there's Rick…'

Yeah she had a point there.

'No one has to know,' he said quietly, losing the grin and leaning in closer. 'It could just be this once, no strings.'

She searched his eyes for a moment and he had no idea what was going through her mind. For all he knew she could stand up and walk out in that instant, or she could jump him right then and there.

Her face was completely blank of any emotion.

'Okay,' she said after a few moments. 'That could work.'

A part of his brain was screaming 'no', telling him it was a bad idea, but for the most part all he could think was that this incredibly hot woman sitting next to him had just agreed to sleep with him, the fact that she was Beckett only made it seem more forbidden.

And for some reason he liked that idea.

'So, your place or mine?' he grinned and she rolled her eyes at him.

'Let me finish my drink first,' she replied. 'I've waited this long, I can wait an extra half an hour.'

* * *

><p>It was his place they ended up at after a coin toss and a very short cab ride. She'd never been there before, so he stood and watched as she walked around his apartment.<p>

'It's know, it's small,' he commented.

'It's cute,' she replied, turning to face him. 'I like it, although it's not exactly what I imagined your place to look like.'

He smiled, walking towards her. 'What did you expect my place to look like?'

She shrugged. 'I'm not sure. Macho?'

'Macho?' he reached forward and put his hands on her arms.

She froze for a moment, before relaxing into his touch. He wondered how well this was going to work. Kate Beckett wasn't the kind of person to let someone in, in any way, but she was here, she had agreed to this.

Suddenly the alcohol seemed to wear off.

'Look, Kate, if you don't want to do this…' he trailed off as she leaned in and kissed him.

Clearly talking was exactly what she didn't want to do and he was fine with that, letting her push him back into the wall. There was nothing romantic about the kiss, but it was nice, comfortable.

In fact it was comforting to know that this was all she wanted, sex, that her feelings lay elsewhere and nothing more was going to happen between them.

He pulled away from the kiss to navigate her towards his bedroom.

She followed silently, her hand intertwined with his.

The second they were in his room he kissed her again, and it was only a few moments before her hands found their way under his shirt, tugging it up. He let it slip over his head before kissing her again.

Pulling her closer he pushed her jacket off her shoulders, letting it fall to the ground, his hand moving to her front to unbutton her shirt.

Her hand blocked his just as he reached her chest and she moved away.

'Let me,' he said quietly.

He could see the fear in her eyes and he felt for her, he wanted to hold her and tell her it would be okay, but he knew with Beckett that wasn't always the best option. Sometimes she had to have her ass kicked into gear, otherwise she was always going to avoid things.

'I told you, I think scars are hot,' he leaned closer to her again and she stepped away.

He let his shoulders slump and his hands dropped from her shirt.

'I haven't let anyone see it,' she whispered. 'Just…just give me a moment.'

He nodded, but stood his ground, watching as she seemed to have some sort of conversation with her own mind. He wanted to tell her a whole lot of things, but he remained silent, knowing it was best to let her get over that hurdle on her own.

After a few moments she stepped forward again, unbuttoning her own shirt. She let it fall to the ground and he let his eyes drop to her scar.

It was right there, in the centre of her chest, and while he would have normally been completely distracted by the fact that a gorgeous woman had just taken her shirt off in front of him, he didn't take any notice.

Reaching forward he touched the skin to either side of it, then lightly ran his fingers over the wound.

He watched her flinch, but she didn't pull away.

'See?' he said quietly. 'Nothing to worry about.'

'I'm worried about how he'd react,' she whispered. 'You're the only person who really knows how much…'

She trailed off, but he understood what she was saying.

'He knows,' Esposito said quietly.

Not that Castle was exactly the person he wanted to think about at that moment, the guilt of the idea of sleeping with the woman his friend was in love with was a growing a little stronger with each second they lingered on this topic.

'But you understand,' she replied.

'So will he.'

They stood there, only inches from each other, in completely silence. For a few seconds doubt crept into his mind and he considered telling her it was a bad idea.

Instead he grabbed her, picking her up and carrying her to the bed.

She laughed. 'Javi, what are you doing?'

'This is taking too long,' he smiled, climbing onto the bed and kissing her as he did so. 'I'm an impatient man.'

She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer to her.

* * *

><p>He woke up to the sound of an unfamiliar phone ringing and his head hurting a whole lot more than he had expected. For a few moments he thought it was Lanie next to him, then he remembered.<p>

'Beckett,' she answered the phone.

He rolled over and opened his eyes. Yeah, that was her alright. Naked and in his bed. For a moment he frowned; how had that even happened?

Next it was his phone ringing. He grabbed it as quickly as possible, and hit silent. He looked over at her as she glanced at him.

'No, sir, it was just an alarm going off,' she replied. 'I'll be there ASAP.'

She hung up the phone and Esposito turned back to his. He recognised the number on it as Ryan's.

'Yo,' he answered.

'_What took you so long_?' Ryan asked.

'Nothing, no reason man, it's early.'

He knew he was a terrible liar. Why had he thought this was a good idea? Everyone had known the minute he started sleeping with Lanie.

'_We got a murder, corner of Canal and Church_.'

'I'll be there ASAP,' he echoed Beckett's words and hung up the phone. 'Morning.'

'Morning,' she replied.

An awkward silence hung between them. This wasn't good. The arrangement had been that this was it and nothing awkward would come of it.

'I guess we better get going,' he interrupted the silence.

'Do you mind…not looking?' she asked.

He half smiled and rolled over. 'My eyes are closed.'

He waited for a moment while she got dressed, a whole lot quicker than he expected her to be able to, then he proceeded to grab his own clothes.

'I don't supposed you have a woman's shirt lying around somewhere?' she asked. 'I don't think I have time to go home and get another one and if I wear the same thing two days in row people will notice.'

He thought about it for a moment. He had some of Lanie's shirts, but that was going to raise far too many questions.

'Sorry,' he commented. 'But there are plenty of stores between here and Canal St you could pop into and grab something.'

'Yeah, I might do that.'

* * *

><p>'You were late this morning.'<p>

Esposito watched from his desk as Castle sat in his usual seat next to Beckett. No one had said anything all day about the fact they had both been incredibly late to the crime scene, or the fact they had arrived only a minute apart from each other.

Of course he should have realised someone would have noticed something.

'I spilt my coffee on my shirt and had to get a new one on the way in,' she lied, looking at him.

Castle smiled as thought he was relieved. 'Ah. Ryan thought maybe you had a date last night.'

It suddenly hit Esposito how good Beckett was at lying to Castle, how he bought every word she fed him. Whether it was out of sheer will to believe she would always tell him the truth, or if she was just that good at lying, he couldn't tell, but Castle didn't seem to be able to pick it up.

'Hey.'

Ryan's voice made him jump, he'd completely forgotten his partner was sitting right next to him.

'Whoa, sorry, didn't mean to scare you,' Ryan continued.

'You didn't, bro, what's up?' he asked, tearing his eyes away from Beckett and Castle.

'You've been staring at Beckett and Castle for the last half an hour,' Ryan observed. 'I just thought you might want to know it's a little freaky.'

'I wasn't watching them, I was just thinking and staring in their general direction,' he replied, maybe a little too fast.

'Right,' Ryan narrowed his eyes. 'If I didn't know better, I'd say you were jealous.'

'Jealous? Why would I be jealous?'

Esposito closed his eyes. Too defensive, he was being far too defensive and Ryan was going to figure it out if he kept that up.

'Sorry, I had a late night and I'm a little hungover,' Esposito covered.

'No sweat,' Ryan replied, patting him on the shoulder. 'You just had that weird look on your face that you get when Lanie talks to other guys.'

Lanie.

He hadn't thought about her all day. In fact he'd spent most of the day thinking about Beckett, about how lucky Castle was to have the love of a woman like that, even if he didn't know it yet.

'I think I'm going to head off,' Esposito stood up. 'I need to get some shut eye before this case is going to make any sense.'

He could tell Ryan was confused, but he didn't care all that much. Grabbing his jacket he headed towards the elevator.

He paused at Beckett's table, like he always did.

'Goodnight,' he said.

Somehow it sounded different, he felt like suddenly everyone would know what he meant.

And judging by the look in her eye as she shifted her gaze to him, she felt the same.

'See you,' she replied.

Castle didn't say anything, but Esposito didn't miss the way he looked from Beckett to him and back again.

Maybe he was imagining things. There's no way anyone would suspect them of sleeping together. They weren't even particularly close friends.

* * *

><p>He pulled open the door to find her standing there. It was a Saturday night and he'd had no plans other than sitting on his sofa and watching the game.<p>

'Hey,' she said simply.

'Yo,' he replied. 'Come in.'

He didn't ask why she was there, if she wanted him to know, she would tell him. She walked towards the sofa, then hesitated, as though she was unsure exactly how welcome she was.

'Did you want a beer?' he asked. 'I've got a six pack in the fridge.'

'Beer would be great,' she replied.

'Take a seat,' he said as he headed to the fridge to grab her a beer.

She seemed okay, she wasn't upset or confused about anything. She was just there.

He knew why he wanted her to be there; the sex between them had been good, especially since it had been so long since either of them had enjoyed anyone else's company.

But he didn't want to assume. It was her move.

He returned to the sofa and handed her the beer, taking a seat next to her and making sure he left as little distance between them as possible.

To his surprise, she moved closer, leaning her arm against his.

She didn't say anything, just sat and watched the game.

'We can watch something else, if you like?' he suggested.

She shook her head. 'I just needed company.'

He didn't push the conversation after that. If she'd wanted conversation she would have gone to Lanie. He had the feeling talking was the last thing she felt like doing, so he remained silent until she fell asleep on his shoulder.

Grabbing a spare blanket and a pillow for her, he made sure she was comfortable before heading to bed.

About halfway through the night he felt her crawl into the bed next to him. She didn't make any sort of move, so he rolled over and placed his arm around her. They slept like that, nothing more.

He got the feeling she just needed someone to be there.

That suited him fine, because he needed the same.

* * *

><p>'What's her name?'<p>

Lanie's question took him completely by surprise. He thought he'd been hiding it really well.

It wasn't like there was a thing between him and Beckett, it was just that sometimes she came around, and occasionally, when they both needed it, they would have sex.

It was nothing.

Friendship.

With sex.

'Who?' he played dumb.

Lanie looked up from the dead body in front of them, her expression telling him that she was not amused by his dumb act.

'The girl you've been sleeping with?'

Esposito looked at Ryan for help, but found the same expression on his face.

'Leave me out of this!' Ryan said.

Ryan grabbed his phone out of his pocket, muttering something about calling Jenny, and left the room.

Esposito turned back to Lanie.

'What do you care anyway? We broke up, remember?'

He didn't want to attack her, but he didn't know any other way. A stab of guilt hit him as he saw a look of hurt flash across her face before she buried it with a blank expression.

'You better tell Beckett to come down here, she'll want to see this.'

His insides froze. For a moment he thought she'd figured it out, then slowly he realised she was talking about the case.

'Sure,' he replied.

Turning around he headed out of the morgue, feeling Lanie's eyes glaring at his back as he retreated.

He wanted to tell her the truth, he hated lying to her, but this was something she couldn't know.

Maybe the whole friends with benefits thing wasn't such a good idea.

* * *

><p>When she opened her apartment door he instantly knew it was bad timing. Her face told him to pretend this was perfectly normal and a moment later he heard Castle's voice inside.<p>

'Did you want me to leave?' he asked quietly.

She shook her head.

'Esposito?'

Castle sounded surprised, but not judgemental.

'Yo,' he greeted his friend. 'Am I interrupting something? Because I can come back.'

'No, come in,' Beckett said.

Castle frowned at her for a moment, as though the whole idea of the three of them hanging out had never occurred to him before. If Esposito was honest with himself, it hadn't really occurred to him either. Normally the three of them were accompanied by Ryan or Lanie or one of the others from the precinct.

It was the first time he'd turned up at her apartment unannounced, and he wondered how much time Castle actually spent there.

'We were just about to have pizza, did you want some?' Castle offered, indicating a large pizza box on the kitchen bench.

'I've already eaten, thanks,' Esposito replied, taking a seat at the kitchen table.

Silence filled the room as the two of them grabbed pizza and joined Esposito at the table.

It was awkward.

Massively awkward.

'So, Javier, what brings you to this part of the woods?' Castle questioned.

Suddenly he felt like he was in the interrogation room. His eyes flickered to Beckett for help. He had no idea what to say, she was by far the better liar.

'Esposito and I sometimes watch the game together, I completely forgot the Knicks were playing tonight,' she said casually.

'I didn't know you like the Knicks,' Castle commented.

'You should know by now, I'm full of surprises,' she replied, forcing a smile.

'Did you want to stay and watch the game with us?' Esposito offered to Castle.

'Sure, why not,' the other man smiled.

It was the first time he had that vibe from Castle, the one that told him to stay away from his girl. If only he knew the half of it.

Lucky for the both of the, the Knicks were playing. Esposito watched the first half of the game with the two of them, but the uncomfortable feeling in the room became too much for him and he suddenly found himself on his feet.

'I'm not feeling particularly good, my bad for grabbing dodgy Thai food on the way over here.'

With that lie he left as quickly as possible.

* * *

><p>'Are you and Beckett sleeping together?'<p>

The question had come completely out of the blue, two weeks after the Knicks game incident. The two men were alone in the elevator and had been having a perfectly normal conversation about the case up until that point.

'What's it to you?' Esposito shot back, unsure how to react.

The hurt look on Castle's face was a thousand times worse than the one he'd seen on Lanie's a few weeks earlier. For a few moments they stood there in complete silence, then Castle slammed the emergency break button and turned to face him.

'Is it just sex?' he asked.

Esposito froze inside. He didn't know how to answer the question, didn't know how Castle would react.

'I need to know,' Castle's voice cracked as he asked and Esposito close his eyes.

'Yeah,' he said, quietly, unable to look at Castle. 'It's just sex.'

He braced for the punch he expected to come his way, either verbal or physical, but there was nothing. Castle started the elevator again and Esposito slowly opened his eyes to find the other man facing the doors like nothing had happened.

He'd expected a lecture, expected Castle to tell him to stay away from her, that she was his. He had every right to say those things, because he was right. She loved Castle, not him.

'Okay,' Castle said after a moment.

That was it. The doors opened and both men walked into the precinct as though nothing had happened.

* * *

><p>'He knows.'<p>

Beckett looked up from her desk, then at Castle who had just walked into the elevator.

They were alone, except for Gates who was still in her office.

'Who? Castle?' she replied. 'He hasn't said anything...'

'He did to me,' Esposito leaned against her desk. 'It has to stop.'

'I know,' she sighed.

He glanced at Gates' office. She was distracted with paperwork. He turned back to Beckett and pushed her hair behind her ear, smiling sadly.

'Do you love him?' he asked.

She seemed taken aback. They hadn't discussed Castle or Lanie since that first night, the guilt was too much, but he had to know, because if he was going to give up whatever this thing was between them, he wanted to know she was going to be happy.

'Yes,' she whispered.

Esposito nodded. 'Then he deserves to know that, he's the one you should be hanging out with, talking to. Not me.'

Her eyes dropped to focus on the paperwork in front of her. He knew she had been using him to avoid dealing with Castle, but it was time she did.

'I'm sure he thinks scars are hot too,' Esposito smiled at her.

She looked back up at him and laughed quietly. 'Castle thinks a lot of things are hot.'

'Then you have nothing to worry about.'

He grabbed her hand and squeezed it for a moment, before letting go again.

'What about you and Lanie?'

Esposito shrugged. 'We'll see.'

'Do you love her?'

For a moment he didn't reply. It wasn't something he'd been expecting her to ask, and it wasn't something he had an answer to.

'I think I could, if I let myself,' he replied.

'Then how about I make you a deal,' Beckett smiled.

He smiled in return, he knew what was coming.

'That depends on your offer.'

'If I tell, you tell,' she continued.

He hesitated, then held out a hand.

'Deal.'


End file.
